The Sandalina Blues
2nd December, 2003. 11:28 am. you belong to me.....
I've been living life so much I guess I haven't had time to record the happenings....its a nice change. And now so much has happened that while I can't remember half of it, the most important are fresh and ready. Shaun and I called it quits. No big surprise, but a huge empty space all the same. I know we weren't really getting to talk or see each other, or anything that makes a relationship work, but I miss him all the same. I don't know whether I'm coming or going, truthfully. I wonder if he feels relieved at not having to call anymore, he's so busy....But I hope not. I hope he feels like I do. Confused, hurt, and a weird emptiness that might stay this way forever, unless we find each other again someday.
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19th November, 2003. 2:18 am. Hee....i'm a sensetive serial killer.
You're Most Like The Season Autumn ...
You're warm, and the most approachable. You have
that gentle prescence about you. People can
relate to you, and find you easy company.
However it's likely you've been hurt in the
past and it has left you scarred so things can
become rather chilly with you at times. Being
the third Season in, you're mature, trustworthy
and loyal to your friends but prone to
depression and negative thinking.
Well done... You're the shy and sensitive season :) ?? Which Season Are You ?? brought to you by Quizilla
18th November, 2003. 9:31 pm. Yay!!! I'm a serial killer!
Who are you? No one would even know your name or
who you are. No one may even know what you
really look like. You would be known by a
series of names since you would go under many
aliases and have a number of disguises. You are
very clever and creative, and would almost
always be one step ahead of the authorities.
You would make sure no evidence of your
horrible murders would be left behind, and if
it is, no one would know it was you. You
sneaky, elusive person...authorities would have
hard time trying to catch you. You would
definitely be the mystery criminal. People may
not even know the your killings are all from
you. You would really be a threat to the
public. What Would Your Serial Killer Name Be? What Would the Public Know You As? brought to you by Quizilla
18th November, 2003. 8:43 pm. If you need me, me and Neil'll be hanging out with the DREAM KING
I'm Twitching!!! I'm TWITCHING!!! Whoo. That's the last time I go so super caffeinated with my dinner, and then munch on chocolate for the next few hours. Compared to how bleak yesterday was, today's been super. I dropped a fist tank on Baxter the super rabbit, but he's fine!! And the sweet new Tori Amos compilation came out today, AND it has a DVD too!! It's like one fucked up christmas!! In a really good way, you understand. What else, what else, what else.....OOOH! Ummm, all in all things are just sweet. I bought Shanny a water baby (you know, this rubbery little doll you can fill with hot water so she feels REAL) for her birthday, got my dad his Christmas present, and then spent some money on me. Just for the ultra necessary Tori album, you understand, so it's not like I was being selfish....I don't care if I'm starving the next time another of her albums drops, I'll buy it before I buy anything edible. I guess I could just eat the cellophane the cd comes in, but you get the point! We all have our priorities. Nothing much else is happening. Heh heh heh. My sister opened the garage door, and three-day-old baby poop fumes almost killed us all...I'd forgotten to throw one of Daniels toxic diapers away...That won't happen again. Shaun just called to say...hee. You know. :) So all in all, success!! Today I was one of the living, not just a recluse pretending to.
" I don't believe you're leaving cause me and Charles Manson like the same ice cream
I think it's that girl and I think there're pieces of me you've never seen
maybe she's just pieces of me you've never seen......"
p.s. (Neil says hi by the way)
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16th November, 2003. 1:36 am. sweet nothings
I love the way milk makes my tea cloudy. Is that weird? NO! Because some people like WAY weirder stuff.....like BAD MEXICAN FOOD! (Mwaa ha ha ha! Trogdor strikes again! But I love you in spite of it, Dave)
I also love taking naps when its cloudy and cold outside, and waking up to the smell of rain.
I don't know why I'm feeling all warm inside all of a sudden. It's kind of like the feeling you get after a really nice kiss, or when you're eating homemade soup. At this rate, I'm gonna end up in a Hallmark movie of the week. Its nice though, to feel good. I wish I could share:)
Nothings are great, y'know? The things that no one ever thinks about. Like how hot coffee is SO good at helping your morning. Or gardens.
JEEEEEEEEZ!!!!! You'd think I'd just had sex the way I'm talking!!! This is ridiculous, and its not me. All I wanted to say was that I like the clouds milk makes in my tea. Thats all. And then things got all strange! I need something real in this entry, and I need it NOW!
Okay, the next time I get the urge to wax poetic about crap, I'll create a special link for it, and I'll call it SWEET NOTHING CRAP! So you can avoid it if you like. Now, there's a sweet little boy who needs to be cuddled back to sleep. If ya'll want to switch with him, take a number and I'll get to you shortly :)
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16th November, 2003. 12:06 am. screw that in a very uncomfortable place....
I'm in a mood. I need caffiene like a mofo, and my head hurts.
And now that I'm done throwing my own pity party, I'm gonna try and figure out just what pissed me off in the first place. okay, here's a little example. That movie, Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, about Sam Rockwell? Where the guys leading two lives? Sometimes I feel like Drew Barrymore's character. The dingy, clueless girlfriend. I've never let being someone's girlfriend define who I am, and I don't ever plan to, but its more the clueless part I guess. Like I don't know the person I care about. Fuck it, this isn't worth stewing over...but is it? I'll probably just stew anyway, I'm a girl, its what we do. This is such a lame entry, I promise to write the next one when I actually have something to say.
you said this will never do
every time i call i know it's true
the jump is not my specialty
confusion makes most sense to me
you only like me when i'm in a blue mood
you say you see my soul's only seeing red
you said this was how you knew
that these things never last
but you're just talking out your ass
and i'm just gonna let that pass
you, you only like me when i'm in a blue mood
alls you want is your own shadow in my head
Thanks to Mr. Smith.
14th November, 2003. 1:07 pm. Mom-ness
Daniel is eating baby wipes and dancing to the Wiggles. To those of you who are child-impaired, that means he's sucking on the cloths reserved to wipe his butt,and dancing around to British guys wearing shirts in different colors and singing about numbers. I'M LOSING MY MIND!!!! It's really not as bad as it could be though, there could be a fire, an injury of some sort, with or without the loss of blood, there could be plenty of disasters, so I should be thankful...but I still have three days left with him, so anything could still happen. For the love of Pete, please knock on wood for us.
Its times like these I really wonder whether or not I should procreate. It isn't all sweet smelling little warm bodies and first smiles and giggles. Its a whole lot of crap, and urine, and crying...It's teething, and worrying, and turning backflips to try to get them to eat. Its hours upon hours of pre-school t.v., it's stories about teddy bears and bunnies, its hoping to God you don't mess them up for the rest of their lives. This is the best birth control EVER. If someone would start up a program that would make girls and boys 12 and up baby-sit for two straight days a week, there would be a serious decrease in teen pregnancy, I really believe this.
He and I have a long weekend ahead of us, let me tell you. But you know that when he's gone I'm going to miss this....or so I keep telling myself in hopes that its true. Yeah, yeah, I make a lot of jokes about how I'm never having kids after helping to raise my niece and nephew, and its half serious because of all the reality of child rearing I witness everyday....but then, then they do something like hold their little arms out to me, or cuddle me, or give me a wet sloppy kiss that puts half chewed cookie all over my cheek, and I'm sprung, y'know? Because as much as I might complain sometimes, there's not a lot I think is more important than this. They love so much its infectious. And waking up next to them after a good nap and having them snuggle into my side or pat me on the back with chubby little hands is AWESOME. Its times like that I remember to thank God for this life.
Momma Sandy (that's actually what they call me, can you believe it?!)
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13th November, 2003. 10:46 pm. The Great Mullet parade
Hey, i'm down with business in the front, party in the back, baby
And I still can't do the comment thingie!!! I tried Sam, it keeps telling me ERROR. I told you its hard for me to function in this real world. But SOMEDAY, I tell you, I will learn to drive, make love like a madwoman, and work my computer like anyone else could. I seriously don't know what it is. I can get philosophy like a mofo, but when it comes to little things I'm a complete dufus. I'll keep trying though.
Today, I was a mom again to my nephew, we had fun though. There was Finding Nemo, and naps to take, and lots of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Pretty much my regular schedule anyway, but he had a good time too. Don and Dave are having a show tonight, my honey is the bassist, they're all kicking ass and I'm not there. :( But it's okay, I'm rocking out in spirit. Shaun is so funny, when he gets nervous he tells jokes and talks like TEN times faster than normal, if you can even believe its possible. Just another quirk to add to the file. So funny. There are times when I'm so smitten with that boy that its like i'm learning to breathe all over again. *GUSH* Enough of THAT....
Nothing really cool happened today, but y'know, it was still good. I don't know what it is about little kids, but they just make everything seem better. The littlest things make them happy. I want to appreciate things that way. I want for an episode of Bob the Builder to erase anything thats made me sad. Nah. Maybe not. You get it though.
Dave, I think you're awesome...and I DID NOT MEAN TO SAY YOU'LL BE SINGLE FOREVER.
Don, you're something special too, y'know? Just let it shine everynow and then so more people can see it. :)
Sam, (928)782-6685, sistah. :) I can't wait to hang out again. Coffee and mullets are right up my alley.
Liz, YOU SEXY!!!! hold me, okay?
Michael, I miss you rat-face. (hee) Keep my Liz warm till I can get to her.
And last but certainly not the leastest, Elliot. you make me smile so much. I hope that doesn't sound too lame, cause its true. So keep writing, and I'll keep reading. :)
P.S. I WANT SAM TO DO MY HAIR!!!!!!!
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12th November, 2003. 8:08 pm. The more you ignore me, the closer I get...You're wasting your time!!!
Mwaaa haa haa haa HAaaaaaaaaa!! Trogdor strikes again!
I'm in a good mood tonight, because today could actually be considered productive! I buzzed around town, chauffered by dad and Daniel, and got a whole bunch of stuff pertaining to the new job out of the way. Whoo hoo! I filled the cup to the line too, but it took some effort. There's way too much pressure when it comes to those tests, and you're not even allowed to wash your hands! You have to do it in front of them outside the little bathroom cubbie. You can't flush either, nope. I felt....hmm, I don't know. Very closely monitered, like I don't live my life in the fish bowl that is my parent's house anyway. Show me another twenty year old living like me and I'll show you someone contemplating the razorblade bracelet. KIDDING!!! No, I don't think suicide is funny.
Dad and I just yelled at each other, because the man is driving me BONKERS!!! Go back to work already!!! I guess its better than having him home all of December, though. Hurry up already, Friday!
So, how are YOU? I haven't talked to anyone in awhile. I CRAVE HUMAN CONTACT! So reach out and touch me already! And I promise to figure out how to send comments soon, yeah? Love.
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10th November, 2003. 1:35 am. FORGOT MY FROGGIE!!!!
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I wonder if there's a masturbating frog...what would that look like? eeeeeewwwwwwww